Findings: Everton (A)

1. Crossing – I wouldn’t trust our wingers to cross a road.

Is it any wonder Rivière is yet to break his duck in the league when the likes of Obertan, Sammy Ameobi, Daryl Janmaat nor Ryan Taylor can put place a ball into the box somewhere near the Frenchman’s noggin? We’ve had a problem with crosses & set-pieces as a whole for a good 3 years or so, nothing’s changed.

2. Why do fans & Carver insist on playing Ayoze Perez on the wing?

It dates back to the days of Pardew playing the likes of Ba, Shola & Cisse all on the wing, & we apparently still haven’t learnt anything with Ayoze Perez. It baffles me that we have a wonderfully talented, young, exciting prospect who’s best role is either CF or CAM yet the likes of Pardew & Carver throw him to the right wing because he has legs. Pathetic.

3. I don’t know what’s worse, Yoan Gouffran or the fool that persists on playing Yoan Gouffran.

Not long ago I wrote an article on ‘the curious case of Yoan Gouffran’ for Gallowgate Group. I wanted to play devil’s advocate & try to give him hope. However, when Gouffran can’t even do the basics & give away as daft a penalty I’ve seen since.. well, City away actually, much like Newcastle – there’s no defence.

After dropping him one week, Carver bottles it & picks him again. They say the very definition of madness is doing the same thing & expecting results. On the wing, central midfield, left back or wherever but up front, Gouffran won’t work.

4. 1 CB for our next handful of matches, bravo board.

Who could’ve foreseen such events? Mike Ashley, Lee Charnley & the rest of the board running finances. Do they care? Like hell do they.

We’re looking down the barrel of just Mike Williamson as our only senior fit CB for fixtures against Arsenal, Sunderland & Liverpool. 0 points, 1 if I’m being generous – mark my words.

5. Coloccini gets away with so much & has finally been found out.

The so called Skipper & leader of the dressing room set example my unnecessarily lunging in with two feet off the ground, earning himself a red card, a subsequent 3 match ban & early holiday back to Buenos Aires. In complete contrast, his best friend & fellow teammate has fought off a potential fatal disease to get back from Buenos Aires & play for Newcastle United.

Coloccini has been a liability for a while now but it’s been overshadowed by Mike Williamson’s even bigger incompetence. Coloccini tries to burst forward & pick out a Cabaye-esque pass, leaving acres of space behind him & his fellow defenders for dead.

Jamaal Lascelles can’t arrive soon enough, nor can Karl Darlow for that matter too.